Ode to Music
By: Natasha Aidoo
I had always been surrounded by music, but in a passive way. I listened to what was played at home, on TV, on the radio. I didn't consciously control my musical choices. Things changed in high school. With the possibility to use the internet, I could explore the vast musical lands with freedom, excitement and wonder. It was overwhelming and unbelievable how many bands, genres and musicians I encountered and fell in love with. I ended up in my own wonderland. Since I was brought up in a Christian household, my knowledge of "secular" music was really limited: I had been kept in a bubble far from the "deviant" melodies and lyrics of the world. The time had come for me to decide what I wanted to listen to and why. My teenage self believed in the power of music to overcome narrow perspectives and to allow me to enjoy both bands that identified as Christian and those that didn't. It felt empowering. It felt like my personal rebellion.
As I started developing my point of view on the environment that surrounded me, I kept enriching my musical landscapes. The more I became interested in the dynamics that shaped our society, the more I became friends with people from different backgrounds, the more I peeked into alternative musical realities. I associate my university years, far from home, with the process of self-knowledge, growth and the realization that music was a core aspect of my reality. Because of its therapeutic function for my mental health, music holds a fundamental role in how I deal with dark times, when I need space to disappear from whatever might cause anxiety and stress, when I crave blissful peace. Music represents my safe space. I am free to roam through its meadows with confidence, recklessness, silliness, and awe. Music allowed me to get rid of preconceived limits I had decided for myself.
I erroneously thought some genres weren't for me. I couldn't imagine myself enjoying, for some unknown reason, metal, techno, or shoegaze music. In addition to that, the fact that being black meant that I had to have default preferences (i.e. r&b, soul, blues, jazz, rap, hip-hop) bothered me. I didn't understand why my skin colour had to influence, condition, and define my musical taste. The moments I stumbled upon and ended up loving jazz, rap, metal, punk, stoner rock, electronic, gothic, and other genres that I had neglected are priceless and so very special. I acknowledged how creating mental boxes for myself didn't help me and that I needed to be open to experiment and to adapt. The musical vastness enables anyone to find whatever suits their taste. If I didn't enjoy a known band, representative of a certain genre, I've been able to find more underground artists that interpreted the canon in an innovative way and that was what I needed. It's an interesting and surprising ongoing journey.
Music is my constant companion and my muse. In the first case, I think of how she has been the soundtrack to trips, daily activities, periods of mental health instability, dreams, walks, celebrations, friendships, and also romances. The history, the memories, and the impact behind the songs of my collection resurface each time I press play. My existence revolves around notes and their magic. In the second case, I refer to how my creative spirit is guided by melodies and lyrics. Whether it's when I draw or write or take photographs, she inspires me and leads me to uncharted territories in my imagination.
Music is another excuse to study and analyze the environment. I'm fascinated by the stories behind how genres came to be, how artists developed and realized a record, how the geo-political factors intersect with the musical action/reaction and how societal constraints are broken or reinforced through this artistic medium. Music is political, personal and powerful. That is why it holds such significance, relevance and magic. Representation, intersectionality, visibility, agency and dissidence are issues that are close to my heart. I'm drawn to artists who explore these topics and that embody them through their existence.
Music for me consists in learning. I love listening to non-English and non-Italian speaking bands. The fact of not understanding the lyrics pushes me to focus on the melody and to marvel at the beauty of unknown words. I travel the world when I wear my headphones: South American Spanish, Brazilian Portuguese, Polish, French, Serbian, Croatian, Bosnian, Japanese, Icelandic, Danish, Korean, Malian, Swahili, Arabic, and others. Geographic distances disappear. Diving into relatively close or far cultures through language and music fills me with joy.
Concerts are the highlights of my existence. The opportunity to be surrounded by other music lovers, to scream the lyrics to my favourite songs at the top of my lungs, to lose my hold on the notions of time and space. I feel restless when I haven't been to a concert in a while. It's my space to recharge, to release stress and worries, to rest. I come alive in such a setting. The anticipation in the air, the excitement in the eyes of the people around me and the happiness I see in myself. Music encourages me to face my fears. I never thought I would be able to go concerts on my own. The idea of not having someone else to share the moment made me uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I realised that I shouldn't be stopped by the feeling of uneasiness if it meant seeing an artist I loved live. Anxiety was replaced by pride. Instead of thinking over and over of how it would look to be there by myself, I learned to feel proud of the step I was taking on the independent road. Going alone to shows and festivals, both in my country and abroad, has increased my self-confidence and the capacity to manage solitude in social settings.
Music is a mirror and a utopia. I like seeing how what I have been listening to reflects my perspective on the world and my mood in a specific time & space. I reflect on what has changed, inwards and outwards, and what hasn't. Songs become milestones in my journey.
I enjoy viewing a future in what I listen to, where awareness, respect, and equality aren't exceptions, but ordinary concepts. Afrofuturism is the example of an interpretative lens that allows the black community to transform the reality of oppression through aesthetic, sci-fi, music, imagination and the control over the narrative. Music is a challenge. To adopt an introspective point of view. To relate to experiences I might never have. To share and face my vulnerability with a singer/band, that does the same with me.