Mind The Gap: Reinventing Yourself After Returning Home
By: Linda Villamarín
The Japanese have a theatrical expression called “Ma", meaning the Space between Two Moments.
“Ma" is the space for the applause between acts. A space that is not empty, a space full of emotions. That little moment when a scene ends the curtain closes, people applaud and then there is a moment in negative, a silence, a little wait before the next scene begins. It is a pause to digest, to assimilate what has just happened, to finish understanding it and to be ready for the next moment. The next scene. “Ma” is not stopping forever, “Ma” is not an end point, it's a preparation, it's the constellation of thousands of stars between one planet and another. It’s what happens when we're worried about nothing happening.
What's our “Ma”? A clear example is for people who have just returned home to their birthplace after a long time living abroad there is a great “Ma” moment that we can recognize.
Many people go through that. Coming back is not always easy, it is a culture and emotional shock to which you must adapt again. Whether you have a plan for after your break or not, the feeling of coming back after you've taken the time to reinvent yourself in a new place is not easy. What happens when you come back home? How do we see the people we plan to leave behind? How do we see those we were planning to meet?
One thing is certain, it doesn't feel the same. You don't see the world with the same eyes anymore. One, two, three weeks go by, you meet up with your family again, you have the opportunity to share all the corresponding hugs, all the plans you promised to make with your old friends, you already had all the conversations that because of the distance or the time difference were left in the middle. You take the opportunity to eat all the food in your house, those dishes that only your mother prepares and that you used to fantasize about tasting again, you try again that coffee with a home-like flavor, you recognize all the spaces in your house that you missed, you try everything again and so little by little you cross everything off the to do list.
A month goes by, two months, you've rested, you've done everything you dreamed of doing, and then, the food at home is no longer new, it becomes everyday food, you return to the job you left before you left, you make the same plans again and when you least realize you have almost the same life you left behind. The feeling of walking backwards appears. Gradually a sense of despair begins to grow within you and over time it becomes stronger.
The questions are coming. What am I going to do now? Am I going to stay here forever? The feeling of never having left appears as if the life you had built elsewhere had been a dream. The point is (and this is the hardest part) not to fall into despair. That point, those months, that pause where we think we are doing nothing because we are back home is our “Ma”. It is the pause we take between one chapter and another of our lives.
I remember one day when I returned home after a long period in another country and the desperation and all the negative thoughts because of not doing nothing were coming to me, my mom told me, “Don't despair because you're not doing anything, it's just that even luck has to be allowed to rest”; and you don't know how much that phrase has given me peace of mind.
It's true, we had the opportunity to travel, to rebuild our lives in another place and that's already a lot because not everyone makes it, but with work, some luck and a lot of commitment we did. We were able to build a wonderful chapter in our lives from which we learned a lot and for that, we should be proud and not take it for granted.
Surely, after having lived through something like this, the people we met, the places we saw, the women we are now, the chapter that follows should not be bad at all. Now we have some experience, we showed ourselves how strong and brave we can be, and with that information, how can our next chapter not be incredible? But most importantly, how are we going to recognize everything we lived, felt and saw, if we don't take a moment to assimilate it? We need a “Ma” moment.
We can't really be ready and enjoy the next chapter if we don't take that space to think, feel and plan calmly what we want to happen next. Sometimes you must let your luck run out to get ready for what is to come. You must let your heart deflate a little to fill it up again. Freeing you of space to receive what comes and that takes time, and time is subjective, the hearts of all are not synchronized, each walk at the pace that one’s soul tells them to. The worst thing you can do is to compare your path with someone else's. We cannot be the best version of ourselves if we seek to be the same version of someone else.
So, for those of you who are back home, with a future plan or no plan at all. Don't despair. Don't lose perspective. You're in “Ma” mode. Enjoy it. Honor it. Taste every free second you have, hold tightly to those you have missed so much, eat everything that fits in your stomach and that you know you will only find at home. Let go of the memory but not the feeling. Don't stop dreaming, just take a moment to create new dreams. Create that space between the world you lived in and the one you want to live in now. Create that bridge. What you live in now will go with you in the future. Fill that space “Ma” with the feelings that you’ve wanted to live out. Take advantage of the space to feel, breathe, and recharge your energy, because after all you have lived, the next chapter will be so good.
This just keeps getting better and better.
Happy Ma to you all.