Spreading Kindness

By: Mira Tosheva

"Kindness begins with the understanding that we are all struggling."  

Charles Glassman

A few months ago, our lives were pretty different. 

Then the pandemic happened. After that came the government restrictions, the changes in our day-to-day life and the constant fear for our loved ones and ourselves.  

For a certain period of time, we lost control over our health and the liberty to make our own choices. Being healthy and owning your freedom are the most precious gifts of all.  And just like all valuable things - precisely by their absence can their significance be told.

I clearly remember the first reports on the news, showing people fighting for food and sanitary items. I remember the empty food shelves in the grocery stores. It was surreal. Soon after that, I started to realize that it wasn’t only a battle with a pandemic situation but a battle for humanity. It was a testament to who we are as people in times of crisis-- a crisis that was taking human lives, a crisis that was taking life as we know it away. 

We’ve all been rather helpless in not having the ability to live by our own terms, helpless in the rising fear of the unknown, and not quite sure when we will be able to go back to normal. We’ve had to find ways to deal with the uncertainty, to accept changes. 

We’ve had to adapt.

So, as things got worse, the measures got tighter, we’ve tried to stay normal in abnormal circumstances, either isolating with family members, roommates, or by ourselves. This has presented a whole other kind of challenge. It’s been a challenge to find healthy ways to go through it, to take good care of our mental health, to keep up our spirits, despite the negative vibes seeping in.  

Something that’s struck me a lot has been seeing people ranking difficulties or suffering. Some judge others for saying out loud how they’re coping (or not coping), while others feel ashamed for feeling bad, because somebody else’s situation might be worst, such as "I feel sad, but then I shouldn’t feel sad, because look at Chris, for example, he’s going through so much,"  or  ''I’m really struggling with dealing with my kids at home all day long, but my friend just lost her job, so she has no money, therefore, I shouldn’t complain about my situation."

Comparing has never been helpful - not now, not ever. Comparing leads to either feeling superiority towards something or somebody or neglecting and underestimating yourself and your feelings. Both are faulty perceptions, because both are fragmental observations and depend on other peoples' situations, not our own. So where we stand or how we should feel starts to depend on where others are standing or how others are feeling, when in reality, we stand where we stand and we feel what we feel. 

While there are still more questions than answers, and anxiety is kicking into high gear from time to time, owning our own feelings gives us a safe space, a moment to acknowledge that we are all in this boat together. We are all struggling one way or another.  

It has always been my understanding that our true nature is revealed in times of crisis, no matter if it’s an interpersonal or a global one. Ranking others’ experiences doesn't add more value to our own but rather deprives us of a real human understanding and connection. Considering how many things people are battling right now, why battle each other?  I’ll never get tired of saying that we should practice empathy and compassion to others and to ourselves, especially in times like this. We can never run out of empathy or compassion. Not everything can be resolved through empathy or compassion but practising them will help us have the strength to overcome much easier whatever is coming. Because those are the universal tools of kindness and what better moment to spread some kindness around.