One Lie Later

By: Mira T.

I’ve always held the belief that honesty comes first. In any circumstance.

But sometimes honesty looks like a medieval creature to me.

Honesty comes first but fear is just around the corner.

Lying is nothing more than a strong feeling of insecurity about our own actions or behavior. Lying keeps us in an inauthentic belief about ourselves. It creates a wall between who we are and who we would like to be.

When we are admitting to an unpleasant truth, we are basically exposing ourselves, opening ourselves to all the consequences that come with that truth. Lying is fear. Fear of being confronted, blamed, judged.

Lying is a form of shame

Shame is one of the most common reasons why people lie. Most of us are completely capable of distinguishing good from bad. Yet when we’ve done something bad, we feel ashamed and fearful of the consequences. This leads us to not telling the truth.

Shame is also a form of insecurity about who we are. People who feel confident with themselves are aware that sometimes things don’t always go the way they want. They can admit to that imperfection because they know it’s just part of life, that sometimes we’re not the people we wish to be and things around us are not as we want them to be. 

Why is so difficult to face reality and tell the truth?

When we are lying, we present the best form of ourselves in order to be liked, loved, accepted.

 It takes a lot of courage to face the real situation, to admit it and take responsibility for it. Lying is the comfort that we need in order to, despite our conscience, suppress the awareness that we did or said something wrong.  Why bother telling the truth when we can simply stay in this artificial state of existence in which everything is absolutely fine?

We need to understand that lying is nothing more than refusing to accept a part of us.  A part of us that sometimes is new or unpleasant.  As long as we are refusing to accept that sometimes we are not who we would like to be and that we do things we wish we didn’t, we will continue living in a false reality, dealing with false identity, and struggling to achieve harmony in our lives.

Often when people are lying and you confront them with the simple question "Why?,” they might say something that gives you the impression that it’s because of you. Something like, “I didn’t want to disappoint you.” The real reason is that this person disappointed him or herself and it’s hard for this individual to accept that fact. Lies have nothing to do with other people. It’s much easier to create a false reality by explaining that he or she is covering up the truth because of somebody else. People lie because of themselves, not because of other people. It’s because they are terrified about the consequences of their own actions.

Nothing is perfect. Life is not perfect. We are not perfect. The best we can do is accept ourselves as perfectly imperfect. Because honesty is not optional. Rather it’s a daily decision to be true, vulnerable, and authentic.