(Un)sustainable Love
By: Mira T.
You see it every day. The love that is telling you who you should be. Any relationship -children and parents, friends, siblings, partners, etc- can have an unhealthy dynamic. The love that is constantly measuring and expecting something in return. The love that is squeezing you to be someone else. The love that requires. The love that pretends to be there but vanishes in a blink of an eye when you are not good enough. The love that is ignoring who you are just because you don't fit into their perspectives. It gives you the impression that you are loved, cherished and accepted but only if you are willing to change in order to fit someone else's beliefs. Otherwise, sooner or later, you will start to experience the disconnection with the other person. People are in our lives are there for a reason, most of the time to teach us something. When we are confronting someone because they do not fit in our version of life or reality, we are actually battling with ourselves and our own fears.
Sustainable love must be established. You build it. It is not something that happens out of the blue and it is valid for all types of relationship- children and parents, friends, siblings, partners, etc. Sustainable love is a sustainable, meaningful relationship with someone whereas unsustainable love is a total lack of a relationship. It may look like one, you will barely recognize the difference, especially if you are a part of it.
Sustainable relationships create connection. It is an invisible connection with another human being, where you cherish and respect the other person as you would cherish and respect yourself. A connection in which you don't battle to change the other, you don't underestimate him or her and where you feel free to share your emotions and thoughts without the feeling of being judged.
It is a connection with another human being through a deep understanding of its nature. Knowing and understanding another human being are totally different things. Knowing is an ascertainment. A fact that you've become aware of. Understanding is when you allow yourself to accept someone else as the completely imperfect creature he or she is. You are allowing this person to bring to the surface everything that he or she is 'made of'. That includes vulnerability, bad moments, good moments, suffering, hoping, losing hope, giving up, and the never-ending list of feelings, emotions or situations that are create a life.
Sustainable love is difficult to establish. We assume that we know best what is good for the people around us. Yet the most important part of a sustainable relationship is to listen. In most cases, people around us are telling us exactly who they are, how they feel, what they need and how they see the world. Only focusing on ourselves means we are not listening. We are too busy convincing the other person that we are the right one based on our perception of life instead of trying to understand the other's point of view.
Sustainable love and relationships embrace vulnerability in all its forms allowing you to feel accepted and experience life as it is. Allowing you to connect and disconnect with yourself as many times as you need. It gives you the freedom to be the human being that you truly are without being labeled.